Editorial Report

Here I show how I streamlined a section for effectiveness and how I improved my use of MLA citations.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I streamline the content and fixed the grammar. The reason this is better is because it stays more on course and is not to much filler material. I also changed the wording to be a bit more active than passive.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

In my re-edited version, I changed the way I used MLA citations. I also got more specific by naming an italicizing the main source that I used here. I also added the page number where the source I found was from.

Selection from Rough Cut

but only because I was continuously travelinggoing downthrough the same beatenmarked path.  in which I was the mapper, creator, and traveler. I was avoiding the jungles of the writing process because lab reports were essentially a fill in the blank activity. As seen in Introductory Mechanics Lab Manual, Physics lab manual, lab reports need to have an abstract, introduction, theory section, procedure, data, and results (10-11).

Re-edited Selection
Lab reports became so simple to write because they are all essentially the same. I had become a master at reaching my destination, but only because I was continuously traveling down the same beaten path. I was avoiding the jungles of the writing process because lab reports were essentially a fill in the blank activity. As seen in Introductory Mechanics Lab Manual,  lab reports need to have an abstract, introduction, theory section, procedure, data, and results (10-11)

Editorial Report 2

In this report, I talk about, for one last time, a small change that I made from my rough to re-edited version.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

The content changed in that I removed some information that did not really seem relevant to the topic. The part where I talked about "Starvation mode" seemed more like filler than anything.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form changed in that I improved my use of MLA citations. I italicized the main source that I had used for this section. I also made some grammatical corrections to make it a better college essay.

Selection from Rough Cut

I would do all my other homework, finish that movie I started awhile back, clean my room, and so on until I either ran out of things to do or a writing deadline was approaching (“My Writing Process” 1/24/16). Starting English, I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to just do all my other homework long before it was due and therefore, I would have to start English. This would have worked great; if I was not human. I began to submerge myself in work to the point that I would forget to eat that day. This would not directly have any adverse affects on my health, but f since it requires three days to go into starvation mode (New Health Advisor), but I did get some indirect effects. F

Re-edited Selection

I would do all my other homework, finish that movie I started awhile back, clean my room, and so on until I either ran out of things to do or a writing deadline was approaching (“My Writing Process” 1/24/16). Starting English, I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to just do all my other homework long before it was due and therefore, I would have to start English. This would have worked great if I was not human. I began to submerge myself in work to the point that I would forget to eat that day. This would not directly have any adverse affects on my health, but forgetting to eat eventually turned to forgetting to sleep until it was already four in the morning. I would be getting about four to five hours of sleep per night which was well below the recommended amount for someone my age

Peer Review for Benjamin Meyers

For this peer review, I did another form recommendation on the rough cut because I think that would have the most effect on my peer's work.

Name: Benjamin Meyers
Title: Rough Cut of Endless Possiblities
Activity: Content Recommendations

Explanation: In content recommendations, I have to suggest what changes or additions can be done to improve the content in relation to what we have to write about.

How I helped: I think that I helped by suggesting a possible route for the rest of the video essay. I seemed like Ben reached a point of writer's block. I suggested that he get around this by talking about how he overcomes writer's block. IN addition, I also think that this will help in transitioning and wrapping things up for a conclusion

What I admired: I really admired how Ben talked in third person and was able to make it work. It gives a great back drop that makes it interesting for the viewer.

Link: Rough Cut of Endless Possiblities

Peer review for Gaby Mart

109H or well 109Hell, which is what the I titled my english folder, is almost over. With it, we conduct the last rounds of peer reviews

Name: Gaby Mart
Title: Rough Cut
Activity: Form Recommendation

Explanation: In this activity I have to look at the rough cuts of my peers an make sure that they produced something that fits the "mold" of a video essay. 

How I helped: I think that I helped by telling Gaby some things she can add to make this video essay better fit the mold. I told her that it would be beneficial to add an introductory slide or animation to help with starting the video. 

Furthermore, I suggested that she add in transitions so the video feed does not seem too jagged. The use of some filler and some slight animations might also help her improve the overall effectiveness.

What I admired: I think one of the things that I admired was that the whole thing felt unscripted and natural. Even though it felt unscripted it also flowed smoothly from idea to idea

Link: Open Post to Peer Reviewer

Open Post to Peer Reviewer

You should check out this article on time, its pretty interesting. Why am I bringing up time? Because I seemed to have lost it. Where did is all go?

Audience Question: What are you anticipating the post-production process to be like, based on what you accomplished during the production phase?

The post production process should just be all finishing touches. In the production phase I finished the essay so all that I should have to do now is cite the sources I used, fix the grammatical mistakes, and possibly swap out any words that I have over used.

Key Information
Once I add in the citations and fix the grammatical mistakes, it should be good to turn in. However, I think you should keep a good eye on the conclusion because I think it might be a bit weak. (I should adjust it)

Major Weakness
I think that my major weakness is that I wanted to cram way to much information into this essay. I felt like I may have cut a few corners to make sure that I do not jump around to much or make this to shallow with all the stuff I wanted to write.

Major Strength
I think that my major strengths are the introductions and my transitions. I think that my intro has a good attention grabber and sets the tone for the rest of the essay. I also believe that all of my paragraphs flow into one another.

ROUGH CUT (Last one!!)

Production Report 2

So I figured out how to use Microsoft Word's built in citation generator. This should make citations a breeze. Just though I should share that since this report deals with citations.

Audience Questions

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

One of the things I implemented in this adaptation was a source. In a standard college essay, I believe that we have to introduce a source when we first use it. After that I can use the in-text citations. The rest of the paragraph follows the same conventions that I pointed out in the last production report.

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
The more I dive into this, the easier it gets to find sources. However, I think one issue is that I will only be using a source once in my essay. Doing this once or twice is not bad, but I think it is going to happen a lot more than that.


Outline Item (From my first part)

Personal Care

• Lead of with a statistics of students that sleep well to test well
• How many hours I have slept this semester.
• How my sleeping habits are and not eating some days but eating too much others

Adaptation
My time management strategy looked flawless on paper, but then, the human element came into play and foiled the entire thing. I started getting distracted and felt the urge to do other things and before I knew it. I was behind schedule. To catch up, I sacrificed sleep which in short term is fine, but it did not stop in the short term, it compiled. According to the Sleep Foundation in the graph "Sleep Duration Recommendations", the human body, during the ages of 18 through 25, needs 7-9 hours of sleep: I was getting 5 if I was lucky.

Production Report 1

In this section, I am going to be talking about my first paragraph after my intro and how I have planned to develop it and create some content from my outline

Audience Questions

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

I think that the form I am using is pretty typically for a college essay. I have the main idea in the beginning of the paragraph and from there I am going to use details to back it up.

My essays need to be a bit more formal and I need to use vocabulary that is more advanced than the one that I use for everyday conversations. Right now, I feel like this intro to my paragraph is a bit cliche but it is still under construction.

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
I think that my only major issue was getting started. I really did not know how to interpret what we had to do for the project. I feel like this will cause issues down the road because I think that the more I work on it, the better I will understand it. 

However, this might provoke me to redo my essay because I might think that I was heading in the wrong direction. If that does happen, I just hope it happens early on in the writing process.

Outline Item (From my first part)

• Too many hard classes
• Long nights with ECE
• Hanging on a string with Calc III
• Hand Cramps with English
• PHYS 141
• Talk about my schedule and the labs
• The weeks and the days where I had multiple assignments due is when my heart really sank.

Adaptation
      From day one I knew that this was not going to be an easy semester. My schedule looked mean and the class outlines looked even meaner. The classes that I had enrolled in for this semester were ECE 175, PHYS 141, English 109H, and Calc III. To make it past this semester I had to kick my time management skills up a notch and figure out new methods to keep track of all the things I had to do.

Peer Review for Jack Auslen

The last meelon... No, not the last melon, but the last peer review. One step closer to being down with the semester.

Name: Jack Ausien
Title: Content Outline
Activity: Outlining Suggestion

Explanation: In this activity I have to look at the "Content Outline" to see the level of detail and development.

How I helped: First, I told Jack to include a thesis or at least start thinking about one. I am under the impression that he is trying to write a standard college essay. I believe that the thesis is critical in this genre. Furthermore, it sets the central ideas for the rest of the essay.

The other thing I noted was the lack of a conclusion. It is planned, but for the most part it was not in the outline. The conclusion is just as important as the thesis in this genre.

What I admired: I mostly admired the large amount of sources that Jack had. It is interesting how he was able to cramp so many into an essay about himself. I am struggling to do that.

Link: Content Outline

Production Schedule

I cannot stress enough how important scheduling is. It is the foundation of a well written... well essay in my case.

Audience Question: How are you going to manage your time and get everything done next week?
For the most part, this is the only thing that I have to worry about next week so I have plenty of time to work on it. However, I just hope that I do not fall under the illusion of "free time" and end up putting this off to the last minute. I will try to follow this schedule as close as possible.

Production Schedule
For the most part, I can work on this essay pretty much anywhere I feel comfortable on my laptop so I am going to be bouncing around randomly to work on it.

As for the resources, all I am going to need is my laptop and possibly a wall outlet for when my battery runs out

May 2
3-6: Cry.. jk.. I am going to fully finalize my outline and begin to write my rough draft of the essay.
6-7: Dinner!
7-12: Finish the Rough draft and edit it.

May 3
3-6: Study for my Calc Final
6-7: Dinner!
7-12: Edit my essay and add new things. Start working on a second draft

May 4
3-6: Finish my second draft and add any necessary citations. Conduct any major changes to my essay such as adding new content, fixing the format, and removing excess material (Global Revisions)
6-7: Dinner!
7-12: More global revisions. If I am done with that, Study for physics.

May 5
3-9:  I will also try to possibly get it edited by someone else at the U of A writing centers, check grammar and whatnot.
9-10: Have a late dinner!
10-12: Finish local revisions and possibly continue studying for my two finals.

May 6
11-4: Polish it the essay off! Maybe see if anyone else wants to read it and edit it.
4: Submit that Essay! Breathe, and give myself a pat on the back.

Peer Review for Rhiannon Bauer

The last project, the last pushes, the last peer reviews.....

Name: Rhiannon Bauer
Title: Production Schedule for the Course Final
Activity: Resource Recommendation

Explanation: In this activity, I did a resource recommendation where I suggested a campus resource that I am aware of.   

How I helped: First, I suggested that Rhiannon get a Macbook to use iMovie for the video essay. It is great, simple, and you can do some really nice things. The other recommendation I made was to use the scenery of the U of A as filming locations to spice up the video.

What I admired: I admired her willingness to get thing done on time and the measures she is willing to take to finish the project in time and meet all the deadlines she set.

Link: Production Schedule for the Course Final

Content Outline

The time has come to call it a day for English 109H. I am going to try to go out with a swinging.

Audience Question: How are you going to organize your project?

My project is going to be a standard college essay so it should be pretty essay to organize it. I am going to have the intro, 3-4 main body segments, my conclusion and my sources. I am going to be using MLA citations in this essay.

Here is the Link to My outline!

Peer Review for Eren Arbac

And another one! hopefully this one is helpful too

Name: Eren Arbac
Title: The Reasons as to Why Qatar Hosting the World Cup is Wrong
Activity: Redesign Recommendation

Explanation: In this activity I have to look at the "Fine Cut" and suggest how genre conventions can be used or altered to improve the video

How I helped: Finding errors in Eren's video was hard. It came out really good. I helped out by pointing out that the intro music was a bit too loud and that it overpowered his voice. Another thing was that his way of placing citations doesn't fit too well with the genre. I feel like they should be rolling credits.

What I admired: I really admired the new cast feel of it. It was easy to follow and looked really professional. It also made him seem really creditable.

Link: The Reasons as to why Qatar Hosting the World Cup is Wrong

Peer Review for Coby Allred

Let's help yet another peer in their project!

Name: Coby Allred
Title: Anwar al-Awlaki: Was his death justified?
Activity: Copy-editing Suggestion

Explanation: In this activity I have to look at the "Fine Cut" and suggest how language, design elements, and credible sources can be used more effectively in the project

How I helped: I told Coby that he should explicitly state his stance on the topic at hand in the introduction. He somewhat hints at it in the introduction, but does not fully state it until the conclusion. I think that it will help out in guiding the audience better through the video and the evidence he used. 

I also suggested that he do in-video citations and then have end credits with the rest of the picture citations and so on. 

What I admired: I really liked the clarity of his voice in the topic. He also seemed very knowledgeable and was able to pronounce a lot of the foreign names with ease. Makes want to go redo some of the sections in my video essay where I may have stuttered. 

Link: Anwar al-Awlaki: Was his death justified?

Reflections on a Project that Hopefully Does not crash and Burn

For the most part, my video is done and I will be actually submitting it before 10. For the most part, I am just waiting for peer review and acting upon those comments. I put a good amount of effort in this project and hopefully it reflects positively on my grade.

 Audience Questions
1. What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I think my major success was just having to do small edits here and there and not really have to completely change my video essay. I just need add a few clips here and there and a few captions. It was a success because I essentially just had a whole week of small edits and I had time to catch some of the small mistakes.

2. What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I think that one challenge was figuring out a way to cite things in the video. Right now I did captions with the title of the video and the source but I might also add some end credits at the end of the video. Figuring out how to do this might be a challenge.

3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

Next week is the start of a new project so hopefully it wont be too difficult. If it is, then it is going to be a bad week since I have two exams to prepare for and another project to finalize. However, with all the time management skills that I have acquired, I should be able to manage. 

4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

Overall, I think that this project will be my first A, I have everything I need plus I think my argument is pretty solid. I also put more work into this one than any of the others so hopefully it doe sreflect in my video.

Editorial Report 2

In this section I am comparing parts of my script to how they turned out in the video.

Selection from Rough Cut

Part 2: The Issues

Many countries besides the United States, such as canada, britain, israel , and australia have already placed orders to acquire the F-35 but have now begun to question if this jet was really worth the investment

//clip of politician talking about the F35

This price tag is phenomenal!

Over its life span the F-35 will use up close to 1.4 billion dollars

To make matters worse, the price tag is not the only issue...

Re-edited Selection

Link to re-edited section

Audience Questions
1. How did the content change when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
The content changed in that I was able to present actual evidence for my claim. At first I was just going to have a random clip of a politician about the F-35 just as a filler. However, the clips I now used of politicians talking against the F-35 further strengthens my argument.

2. How did the form change when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
The form did not really change much since originally I was going to put a clip in there anyways. The only real change I think is with the overall length of the video. This new form might be a bit more appealing to the audience in the sense that it just strengthens my argument and helps the video flow better.

Editorial Report

In this I once again talk about the introduction of my video. I think this is one of the aspects that will make or break my grade.

Selection From Rough Cut

Here is my original Introduction

Re-edited version

Here is the link to the re-edited version

The re-edit version is up to 1:04 in my final cut.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

The content changed in the fact that I put my stance on the topic in the beginning. Originally, I had my stance on the topic at the end of the video after I have presented my evidence for this. I do not really know why I did this. What I have now makes more sense.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I do not think that the form changed to much. Adding the extra clip of me speaking is not to much. I think the only real change in form is how I added my citations as a small caption at the bottom of the video clips that I used. 

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

A lot of work and long nights went into this one. Hopefully it pleases the English Gods. The link for the fine cut is at the bottom in case you guys just want to skip down.

What are you anticipating the post-production process to be like, based on what you accomplished during the production phase?

For the most part, my video is done. I just need to maybe clean it up a bit and do minor edits to it here and there. Since my video is almost done, I think that the post-production process should not be stressful and rather simple. It is going to just be local revisions and I might just re-record some of my sections where you can clearly tell that I am reading from a script.
 I have slowly been working my way up to an A on these project so hopefully this one is the one that finally does it! lots of long nights went into this one and I hope it was enough!

Key information:
I just want you guys to peer review this as hard as possible. I put quite a bit of effort into this, but I may have missed somethings. Plus, I am not to good with video editing, but again, I have given it my all so enjoy!

Major issues:
I think that my biggest issue is that it might be a bit too technical. I tried to explain some of the concepts, but I probably missed some of them. I think that other main weakness is that my video editing skills are not the best. The video might seem a bit rough since I am really still learning how to use iMovie (and well a MacBook :p)

Major Strengths:
Well for starters, it is finished. I think it's main strength is that I have a pretty good argument set up that hopefully does not have holes in it. I also think that the format I choose suits the video well, as well as makes it easy to follow. 


Here is the link to the FINE CUT of my project

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

What are you anticipating the post-production process to be like, based on what you accomplished during the production phase?

Well if I have my argument nailed down with minimal gaps, it should just include adding small pieces to finish it off. Maybe just adding captions and references. I just hope I don't find a major flaw with my argument down the road.

Key Information: For the most part, what you see in the video will be what I turn in so do not be scared to be harsh on what I have written in my script and produced in my video. 

The only issues should be that I will have is the lack of captions, citations, and maybe a weak conclusion. The video is also currently segmented, but that is because I need to go get another Mac to use iMovie and piece it together.

Major issues: I think the major issue is that the small gaps might amplify throughout the video. Also my conclusion might not tie up things as neatly as I would like it too. I think that I have a lot of sources to back up my argument, but I may not be able to effectively use it with a weak conclusion.

Major Strengths: I have many sources to support my argument. This video also feels like many of the documentaries I have seen online about the topic I am arguing about

Script for Project 3

Video Segments for Project 3

Reflections on a Green-lit Project

As the deadline approached, all I can do is work harder and pray. Pray for a good outcome on my hardwork.

1. What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
   I think my major success was finding more than enough evidence to support my argument. Just look at my bookmarks. It is full of articles and videos. Poor little guy
    
2. What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
   I think a challenge was that I decided that I just could not support the F-35 anymore. I had to change my opinion and with that my script, as well as the introduction to my video.
    
3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
   I think next week will be somewhat hard. I feel like I may have to do a lot of revisions to my video because of my change of heart. Other than that though, I have the green light from here to completion. 
    
4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
   Overall, I still think it will be my best grade. I enjoy the topic and have truly become an expert on the F-35. Ask me anything, I'll answer it! I think my interest in this will rub of in my video.

Peer Review for Shauna Bratton

For this second peer review, I targeted Shauna Bratton. I will be looking at her outline.


Name: Shauna Bratton
Title: Content Outline Project 3
Activity: Outlining Suggestion

Explanation: I have to read an outline and comment on its detail and development and if it satisfies the components of the project.

How I helped: I think that I helped by pointing Shauna Bratton in the right direction. From the most part, I feel like she is just talking about a controversy instead of saying her own part in it and voicing her own argument about what should be happening in the GOP.

What I admired: I really liked her appeal to patriotism which is something I can use to strengthen my public argument.

Link: Content Outline Project 3

Peer Review for James Fusaro

For this peer review, I targeted James Fusaro. Hopefully, I can help him improve the rough cut of his Standard College Essay.

Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?
I managed to help find a small but critical flaw in a peer's essay. The addition of this content shoul help James' improve his grade. Reading through his essay, I saw a few grammatical and spelling mistakes. However, I was not able to comment on them.

Name: James Fusaro
Title: Offensive Speakers Should be Here to Stay
Activity: Content Suggestion

Explanation: I basically have to see if this essay fits the format and is organized like a standard college essay.

How I helped: I think that the main issue in James' essay was the lack of a thesis. I pointed this out to him, how he can implement one and why it would help. I think that a thesis is critical to a college essay. It shows the reader what you are talking about and, in this case, defending.

What I admired: I admired how his essay flowed throughout. Every idea flew into the next with ease. I also liked the use of a personal story to get my attention. It made his essay seem more relatable.

Link: Offensive Speakers Should be Here to Stay

Editorial Report 2

In this section, I allowed more pauses and more specific content to better get my point across to my viewers.

Selection from Rough Cut

• The F-35 is the U.S. military’s latest fighter jet
• Clips of it flying from youtube
• Fifth generation fighter
• Actual Definition goes here
• One plane that is suppose to replace the F-16, the A-10, the Harrier, and the F/A-18
• Photos of planes F-35 is replacing
• It uses a vast array of integrated systems to assess, defend, and attack.
• The pilot’s helmets essentially gives him a 360 degree view around the plane
• Pilot’s Helmet View
• The Marine variant can hover, make a short takeoff, and land vertically.
• Footage of plane hovering
• The naval version is designed for use on an aircraft carrier
• Footage of it taking off from a carrier
• The Air Force version has a 20 mm machine gun.

Selection from Re-edited Selections

the F35 is the U.S. military’s latest multi-role 5-th generation stealth fighter that is set to ensure the United States and Allies Air capabilities for the battlefield of the future.

//Clip of a walk around an F35

And futuristic this plane is… This plane is fast,

//F35 flying

its stealthy

//Lockheed’s stealth tech or its invisibility on the radar

it can hover,

// hover landing

it carries a deadly precise weapons payload

// weapons payload

And its advanced technically ensures its place among the fifth generation fighters of tomorrow

//overview of the F35 targeting helmet

This jet is set to replace F-16, the F/A-18, the AV-8B and the A-10 Warthog. All of which are more than 30 years old

SO I guess you can see why this plane has such a high price tag

But at a staggering 400 billion, this project is also the most expensive military project in history.

//view of top ten list of the most expensive military projects in history

1. How did the content change when you re-edit it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

 The content changed in that I did not go into specifics here about the 3 different versions of the F-35. The jet is pretty much the same and if I go into saying how it is different, I am going to contradict myself. Nonetheless, I do address these differences in a latter part of my argument.

2. How did the form change when re-edit? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The edited version sort of pushes the F-35 and all its features in something that is visually appealing. Also, I switched to using more video clips than still images. The sort pauses in between that I have added also makes it easier for the statement that I said to sink in.