For the second peer review, I put Ryan Wolfe in my sights. Hopefully my peer review can help improve his college essay. The link to his Outline is here.
I choose to make an outlining suggestion because I think that the structure of an essay is critical to its success. It does not have moving parts such as video clips or sound effects to keep the audience on track and focused.
For the outline suggestion, I have to look at the level of detail, how much it fits the characteristics of the rhetorical situation, and the wealth of sources.
So I commented mostly on how Ryan plans to talk about a topic and then make a conclusion and then talk about about topic and make another conclusion and so on. I felt that it would be more effective if he made those mini conclusions short and instead focused more on the transitions of the essay. A good flowing essay is a happy essay.
I think one thing that I admired was his use of sources. He had a claim and then, BAMM!, he backed it up with a source. I think that this is something that I need to do more in my outline, script, and final video.
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